A note I received about fantasy football

My good friend Cole never had any experience with fantasy football, but decided to try it out this year anyways. Against all odds, it looks like he will be winning his week 1 match up. This is the email he sent me, it has not been edited in any way.

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Star Date 0000556656x(batman symbol)

After the first weekend of football, I’ve finally have my score for my “fantasy” league. With a score of 89.62 I don’t know if I should be excited or terrified. I have no reference for this number and don’t know what do with the info. Should I keep building up points to turn in for a new toaster or should I get the kitten mittens. Hmmmm…. choices choices. I did note the defeat of my first opponent. His death was swift and without mercy; he didn’t see it coming. I found the village he was from and his family. Over the next few months I plan on making his family my own. Have his children call me father and make his wife quiver with ecstasy every night, knowing she could never be please, like this, by her first husband. I hope he’s looking at me now, from the grave, knowing my plans and intentions.

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Just remember rule #1 though Cole:
You get my son to call you dad, I fuck your wife.

Say something... I dare you.